Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Alert and Oriented x3

I had to go get a physical today. Haha that’s going to ward off a lot of you from reading further, but this will not be awkward to read promise! I had to get one for my new job. All I needed was a Dr. to basically write a note saying that I am healthy enough to work. I went to see my mom’s family dr. in Taylorsville. The regular Dr. apparently is not in on Wednesday’s so I had to see another guy. Let me just tell you what this “other guy” was like. He was from India (or somewhere around there), wore a gold-chained necklace, and would sway his hands back and forth over the keyboard when typing. I have never seen anyone type like that before it was weird and kind of strange because of the creepy way he did it. Also as a side note, I have always hated gold chain necklaces on the male gender. Gag me with a spoon every time I see that!

The gold chain Dr. who has never seen me before asked me what I was coming in for. I told him that I just wanted a basic physical for my employer to say that I am healthy. I told him that I was not going to have any blood drawn or pee in a cup (because that costs more money) and I currently do not have insurance till December (please bless that something crazy does not happen like my arm suddenly falling off).

Dr. Gold chain then said, “So what do you think a basic physical is?” Me thinking in my head, “Are you kidding me?!?! You are the Dr. why don’t you just do what you do and let’s be done with it.” Through my chuckles I said, “Check my eyes, ears, nose, throat, heart, thyroid, just basic things.” Dr. GC: “Ok well I am going to be asking you a million questions.” He proceeds to ask me everything from do I experience cramping in my legs to am I suicidal. He wasn’t kidding when he said I am going to ask you a million questions.

About mid way through all of the question asking he asks me something about my sexual practices. I answer no to all of those questions because that is not applicable to me at this point in my life. I thought that was the end of that subject but then he goes back to it later and starts questioning me again concerning the matter. I keep responding no to everything that he asks me and then finally with the creepiest weird look ever, just plain out asks me if I have ever been sexually active. I chuckle and say no. The look on his face was so disturbing to me because he was almost in so much shock and then immediately said, “How old are you?!?!?!” I answer and say “26”. His eyes get even bigger with shock and then I think he realizes that I am laughing at his reaction and goes back to asking me other questions. HAHAH!!! How long have you lived in Utah? Actually never mind . . . since people get married when they are 19.

He is then checking me eyes, ears, nose and throat. While sticking a light up my nose he asks me if I have any allergies. I told him that I think I have developed some over the past two years. Through his accent I am trying to discern what he is telling me to do about that. I think to myself “What did I hear that right? Did he really tell me to use a Netti pot?” Yes, I heard him right because he started to explain to me how to use one. Ok, there is no way! Look at this! I don't care how happy he looks, I would rather sneeze a lot!

Dr. GC kept telling me throughout the entire process that I am the easiest patient he has ever seen and that we could even have done this over the phone. I’m thinking, “Yeah that’s because I really do feel fine!” Finally the questioning process was over and he had to check on a few more things.

He then wrote up a one and a half page write up about how I am capable of work. The best part of it reads “Well groomed/nourished, alert and oriented (x3), well reasoned” I’m glad to hear that he thinks I am oriented x3. Then he said that he would not write anything on the paper about my lack of sexual activity. (I don’t think he still could get over that)

So what did I get out of the Dr.GC visit besides laughing? I am a well groomed/nourished, alert and oriented (x3) girl who needs to use a netti pot and is thankful for my standards.

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